My horoscope this week ended with this warning: You should watch for unexpected changes caused by the healthy improvements you've made in your life. I'm not saying the changes will necessarily be bad, just that you should be alert for results you didn't foresee.
Changes I started noticing, once advised to do so, include: (1) better posture (2) doing more laundry (3) regular upwellings of annoyance when I return home at one a.m. and realize I have to do leg lifts and (4) higher levels of general fidgetiness. But most alarming of all is (5) unwanted awareness of current fashion trends and lives of the stars. This last arising, of course, from the selection of reading material available in the campus workout room.
Since my long runs were curtailed I abandoned the acquisition of an mp3 player. I may yet revisit this, but for the moment I’m happily unheadphoned. I’m fine for my now-short runs. But I just can’t cope with the startling monotony of the elliptical machine. In the absence of music – and because the print of my own books is too small to read while bobbing up and down in place – I read whatever the fitness room magazine rack has to offer. And what it usually has to offer is a crushingly vapid selection of photo-heavy mags with embarrassingly vain single-word titles. People. Glamour. US. Shape. Self.
I find myself being reluctantly up-to-date on who is dating whom in Hollywood, and what freakish names they have given their children and pets. I have been briefed on the unfortunate stylishness this season of the shirtdress, the round-toed shoe, the gaucho pant, and the color white. These sorts of things were of no interest to me whatsoever when I lived in New York City, and they certainly do me no good in Eugene. Couldn’t someone do a big glossy spread about headlamps?
But there it is. The pictures are numerous and the text is large and now I know that pulling the frosting off my cupcake will save me eighty calories. As if anyone subscribing to this magazine would be caught dead with a cupcake, and as if I’d ever waste something as tasty as frosting.
Changes I started noticing, once advised to do so, include: (1) better posture (2) doing more laundry (3) regular upwellings of annoyance when I return home at one a.m. and realize I have to do leg lifts and (4) higher levels of general fidgetiness. But most alarming of all is (5) unwanted awareness of current fashion trends and lives of the stars. This last arising, of course, from the selection of reading material available in the campus workout room.
Since my long runs were curtailed I abandoned the acquisition of an mp3 player. I may yet revisit this, but for the moment I’m happily unheadphoned. I’m fine for my now-short runs. But I just can’t cope with the startling monotony of the elliptical machine. In the absence of music – and because the print of my own books is too small to read while bobbing up and down in place – I read whatever the fitness room magazine rack has to offer. And what it usually has to offer is a crushingly vapid selection of photo-heavy mags with embarrassingly vain single-word titles. People. Glamour. US. Shape. Self.
I find myself being reluctantly up-to-date on who is dating whom in Hollywood, and what freakish names they have given their children and pets. I have been briefed on the unfortunate stylishness this season of the shirtdress, the round-toed shoe, the gaucho pant, and the color white. These sorts of things were of no interest to me whatsoever when I lived in New York City, and they certainly do me no good in Eugene. Couldn’t someone do a big glossy spread about headlamps?
But there it is. The pictures are numerous and the text is large and now I know that pulling the frosting off my cupcake will save me eighty calories. As if anyone subscribing to this magazine would be caught dead with a cupcake, and as if I’d ever waste something as tasty as frosting.
posted by tortaluga @ 20:10
2 Comments:
At 17.5.06,
TNTcoach Ken said…
And it's smelly laundry!!!Just make sure you have enough stuff to miss a load.
At 19.5.06,
Anonymous said…
Jenn - If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: it's not whether you win or lose, but how you look doing it. That's the California way! So bone up on style, kid. It's the stuff of champions.
The Old Coach has another piece of advice. Don't waste your time doing laundry if you're running garage sales. Wear the smelly stuff. When people are out walking their dogs, the "fragrance" tends to attract the dogs, who pull their owners, who buy the stuff with the cash you need. Yup. As the Old Coach can fully attest: it pays to stink. If you don't believe this, you've never visited Washington DC.
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