I ran on Monday. I ran for an hour, in the freezing cold wind, and it was numbing and headachy but it felt nice to be moving again. And I came back to Patrick’s apartment and put my legs up with a big bag of frozen tortellini on my knees just like I’m supposed to.

And then I woke up on Tuesday, and it was a mess. My right knee felt achy and sore, and when I walked there was pain underneath that shot down into my calf. It was my last day in Quebec City, and my plan was to walk around taking photos. I walked for an hour, which was bearable if I avoided hills. The day was gray and rainy and windy and cold and generally miserable, and I was sad it was my last day.

After lunch I headed out again, but now the pain was so much worse – probably aggravated by the earlier walking – that I had to go down the apartment steps one at a time. After fifteen minutes I found myself leaning against building walls as I walked, and I decided to call it a day. I hobbled back to the apartment, grabbed the tortellini, and got on instant messenger with my runner friend Dave.

Dave says I have runner’s knee. He says I have to take two weeks off and ice three times a day and pop huge amounts of ibuprofen and do leg exercises to strengthen my thighs, which are apparently causing part of the problem. I say this sucks.

Much as I don’t love the running thing, the idea of losing all the endurance that it sucked so much to build up is making me very unhappy. Also, I am a bad sick person. Also, I don’t want to do any long-term damage to my knees, which have been very good to me so far. Also, I’m not convinced that after all this recovery shit, the knee won’t just start hurting again as soon as I start running again. And then what? Because I told everyone I’m running a marathon and I’ve been waking up at 7:30 on Saturday mornings and you better fucking believe I am running a marathon. But what if my knee just doesn’t let me? That would feel so fucking lame.

Also, and let’s not make too big a deal out of this, I kind of feel like going for a run right now. I’m back in Eugene, and it feels like spring here, and I’m sad to have left Quebec. Running right now would feel really good.