In my junior year of college back in the last millennium I spent a semester in Australia. I knew a guy there who wore the same thing every day: kaki pants and a blue button down shirt. He didn't wear the exact same clothes every day. But in his closet were ten or so identical pairs of kaki pants and ten or so identical blue button down shirts. He just didn't like to waste time thinking about what to wear.

I'm not that extreme. I have a whole closet full of clothes of varying colors and shapes. I can go to a wedding or an interview with only minimal borrowing from my friend Talley. But clothes are not something I think a whole lot about. If it's warm I wear a skirt and a tank top, and if it's cold I wear pants and a tank top and a sweater. And the pants are probably torn around the back of the cuffs. And I like when things have pockets, and I like fabrics that feel interesting. But that's it. So it is really alarming how long I have been planning and shopping for this one particular outfit. The marathon Day Outfit.

Now as I've mentioned, the general rule is not to do anything on marathon day that you haven't been doing for months before. But oh well. I've been working out in mid-length meshy shorts, and that's just not going to cut it. Extra material on shorts = deep marathon sadness, because everything you wear in a marathon is rubbing against you for many consecutive hours.

I tried to solve this problem long ago. I worked my way through several options.

For a while I was going to wear a running skirt, because it seemed like it would feel really comfortable. I ruled out the running skirts from the site that refers to the built-in underwear as "spankies" on principle. And right around then this big running skirt debate erupted on several running blogs I visit, and the general tone - reflected on all the running skirt sales sites - was, running skirts are a great way for a woman to be athletic but still be cute and feminine.

There ended the running skirt appeal for me. Cuteness is great and all but seriously, is that really what a woman is supposed to be thinking about when she's running a marathon? Because I don't anticipate getting to mile nineteen and thinking, "I sure hope I still look feminine!" This whole understanding of the word feminine really pisses me off, though that's a different blog entirely. Let's leave it at this: running involves strength and stamina and sweat and you can find that cute or not, but it's not really about you now, is it?

Next up: the feathery light runner shorty shorts. These have little material and are good when it's hot. They are the item of choice at Eugene Running Company. But they're just not for me. Putting aside the fact that when the wind blows your ass is exposed to all behind you (which granted, in my case, will not be very many people) these just don't work for people with thighs. The average chicken-legged runner is safe and sporty in shorty shorts, but for me the lack of material would cause as much chafing as an excess of material. Next!

At this point I put aside my shopping ethics and stopped in at the Nike store. With optimistic glee I bought a pair of black-and-pink spandex shorts with super wicking dri-stuff and a perfect little pocket in back for an mp3 player. Alas, these were not designed for distance. After only forty minutes of running the legs had rolled themselves up and the numerous seams where all the magic fabrics met were making themselves abundantly apparent. Nike may not have any sort of production ethics, but at least they have a good return policy.

Last stop: REI. Final choice: "compression shorts." Basically, black spandex. Black spandex with a wide flat nonabrasive waistband and legs long enough to stay in place. No pockets, but I'm working on some amendments.

So now I just have to pick out my makeup.