Since all I’ve done so far is complain about running and running-related activities, perhaps you are wondering something along the lines of, why did you sign up for a marathon, moron?

Well, you know those lists you make of things you want to do before you die? I’ve made those lists. Those lists are important to me. When I die I really don’t want my last thought to be I really wish I’d done (that thing)! And as my lists have grown and evolved with my tastes and interests, one thing has remained constant: running a marathon has never appeared.

It’s not that I’ve thought about it and decided I was uninterested. It’s that a marathon was so far out of the realm of my interests that I never even considered it. It would have been like listing “develop gills” or “surgically remove pinkies.” It wasn’t like I paused, pen to paper, and thought, “Hmmm, do I really want to put this down? Nah.”

On the other hand, I have often considered doing a triathlon. Triathlons involve swimming, which I enjoy. Additionally, they are only one-third running. But most importantly, the name triathlon has inescapable grandeur. Triathlons seem majestic, Olympic. You’re not going to find heroes of Greek mythology in the cardio room. They’re out completing triathlons.

Also my friends Erin and Sharon have competed in triathlons, and they both kick ass.

Alas, my current fitness state being what it is, any sort of –on would require serious training that I don’t know how to accomplish on my own. When Sharon did her race in San Francisco, she trained through Team in Training, a nonprofit associated with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Athletes who sign up with them agree to raise a sum of donations, and TIT provides coaches, workshops, and connections to other participants. Sharon raised thousands of dollars for the society with her participation. It seemed like the way to go.

Unfortunately the Eugene TIT is not training for any triathlons this season: only runs, walks, and bikes. The walking wouldn’t be enough of a kick in the ass, and the biking would require an expensive new bike. It was either a marathon or three more months of laptop-illuminated immobility. The jury is out on which would be better for my general well-being, but at least the marathon is likely to inspire more sponsors.