Let’s just start this with a simple truth: running for the sake of running is not something that I do. When it comes to athletics I enjoy team sports, water, and the sorts of activities that might either be featured in Outside magazine or result in something tangible, like a table or pile of firewood. Running is none of these things.

I don’t like fancy colorful sneakers. I don’t like running shorts. I don’t want a runner’s body and I don’t want a portable music device velcroed to my arm.

Those women who stand at stoplights jogging in place make me nervous. I’ve only known two hardcore runners personally, and I dated them both, and they were both freakishly bad boyfriends.

So I’m going to run a marathon.

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